Archive for March, 2012

March 30, 2012

Friday Funny

This morning we were back at the playscape where I’ve often been embarrassed by my kids, so why should today be any different?

It was just me and Rosebud as she is recovering from getting her tonsils out on Monday.  Sidenote: she is not even supposed to be at the playscape but the little bugger convinced me that she wanted to go there “just to look”.  At 2 years old. I’m in trouble.

Anyway, back to the story.  We are gently swinging on the tire swing and I notice that Rosebud is staring at a woman sitting nearby.  She does this often as she’s getting more and more aware of people around her.

“What are you looking at honey?”

“That b*tch over there.”

OMG – what?? And she totally just said that loud enough for the entire playground to hear.

“What did you just say??”

[even louder this time] “That b*tch mommy! You see that b*tch??”

::stunned::

“Mommy, you see that lady sittin on the b*tch??” [of course that part she said quietly]

“Oh thank goodness. The BENCH?  You see the nice lady on the bench?” [hell yes I said that part loud enough for the entire place to hear.  you know, just in case.]

“Yes mommy. Dat’s what I said. Why you yell?”

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March 24, 2012

I’m such a sucker for a sibling group

We decided to add a brother and sister to our happy-crazy crew.   They are 5 years old and fit right in!

Meet Max and Mindy 🙂

Max is a little more serious and reserved but adores the baby.  The volunteers at the shelter said they had never seen him so excited as when he was with her.

He does not let Daisy out of his sight – and that’s just fine by her.

Mindy is a friendly, energetic love-bug!

She already adores Sprout and is so thrilled to have someone to play chase with!

We are so in love. And crazy. But mostly in love 🙂

March 23, 2012

She’s 4 Weeks Old Today

I still think about her.  Every day. All day.

When we are eating breakfast, or playing outside, or going down for bed – I picture what life would be like with her.  I can see exactly where she would fit.

I still feel that dull ache of something missing. The void is so real and tangible its odd to me that I can’t reach out and touch it.

I long to know her face, her smell, and the feel of her skin.  I wonder if she’ll remind me of my girls.  I wonder what she would feel like in my arms.

I need to know if she’s okay. If she’s warm and loved.  If she’s eating and sleeping. If her in-utero exposure has left her with any struggles.

It’s not the acute pain I felt initially.  I haven’t cried for her in a while.  But her presence is always with me.  My mind always drifting back to her.  Dreaming and longing and thinking of her.

It’s still feeling to me like I’ve lost a child.  I wonder if this is what her first mom is feeling as well.

March 21, 2012

Wordless Wednesday

Who wants to guess what we’ll be doing the second week of April?

March 14, 2012

Wordless Wednesday

Confession: You know those stick figure family decals everyone (at least in my area) has on the back of their cars?  Well, I’ve always wanted one – really bad.  Yeah, random.  Anyway, I kept putting off getting one in fear that one day I’d have to peel it off my car and that would pretty much be devastating.

Today, I received notice that the adoption paperwork has been filed with my town.  So, I got myself a little something to celebrate…

 

In a few weeks when glorious finalization day finally arrives, the first thing on my agenda after leaving the court room (and kissing MY babies) is sticking this bad boy on the car 🙂

March 12, 2012

I havent talked about Sprout’s behavior in a while

Here’s the annoying thing about parenting:  I keep having to do it.

Take this morning for instance.  Sprout was whining enough to make my ears bleed because we woke up later than usual and he had to eat his breakfast at school instead of home.  This happens once in a while. No big deal.  Except today when it was and man was he whining his head off about it.  And I don’t mean whining about cereal because he misses his mom.  Or whining about cereal because it triggered the deep demons of crazy and pain and trauma from his youth.  Nope, none of that.  Just whining about cereal because sometimes five-year old boys choose to be pains in the…well, you know.

So that’s the annoying thing.  We definitely addressed whining when he was 3 years old.  WHY IS HE DOING IT AGAIN?!

Ugh.

Its times like this when I have to take a step back and remind myself that just because we worked so hard on it – and he was so much better for so long – doesn’t mean the job is done.  We (mostly) addressed the trauma.  Created a wonderfully healthy attachment.  Chased the crazy far, far away.  And yet there are weeks days when he will still choose to be a pain in the…knee. 

I’ll be honest, I didn’t remember that this morning when I was all:

“uncross.those.arms.right.now.and.stop.whining.about.cereal.

for.goodness.sake.you.are.five.years.old.”

But then, after I had managed to drop him off to school without killing him, I thought about it on my drive into work.  I thought about the early days when his choice of defiance wasn’t crossing his arms and complaining about where he was eating his breakfast and was something a little more like, “I HATE YOU!!! FAT B!*$&!! I’M CALLING MY SOCIAL WORKER AND GETTING NEW PARENTS!!!” 

Oh those were the days. 

And yet, I was so much more calm through those episodes than I was today.  Pshh, a little whining and arm crossing would have been a banner day a couple years ago.

So that’s what I have to get back to…parenting.  In the calm and peaceful way I know works so well.

Tomorrow:

he will not make me mad. he will not make me mad. he will not make me mad.  he will not make me mad.

Ahhh, I feel better already.

March 12, 2012

I totally just ordered this shirt…

March 10, 2012

What are the chances??

At the kids’ “last visit” I passed along a note to mom with an email that I had created specifically for her to communicate with us/the kids.  I checked that email religiously for a while, but then life got crazy and I haven’t checked it for a couple of weeks.  I randomly got the urge to check it tonight.  I’m glad I did because there was a new email waiting from mom.

She sent it 2 hours ago. 

Crazy, right?

Also, yay!

March 9, 2012

More Conversations with Rosebud

Omg, this child is constantly cracking me up…

“I teached sissy! Say ‘hi’ sissy!”

“Wow Rosebud! You are a wonderful teacher!”

“No mommy. I not teacher.”

“Sure you are, you just taught sis to say ‘hi’.”

“No, no mommy! Teacher hafta be big. Growned up like you. I’m a kid.”

“Okay, okay. Well maybe you’ll be a teacher when you grow up?”

“No. I be doctor.” (she is holding strong on that doctor business.)

“Oh, I see.  What kind of doctor will you be?”

“A pretty black one.”

::pause::

“What you laughin’ at mommy?”

March 7, 2012

Wordless (sort of) Wednesday

Adoption papers = signed.

The only thing left to do is to get that court date to finalize!