Memory is Funny

Now that Sprout has been with us 2 1/2 years, his memory of what came before is fading.  In many ways, this is a wonderful blessing.  He’s starting to forget the bad, the dark, and the scary.  For that, I’m so glad.

But then there is the other side of it.  The side that combines with big feelings stirred up by the changes-nothing-but-changes-everything adoption.

And it brings him to moments when he says “I want to go live at my old house.”

It’s hard to hear things like that – and probably even harder to share them with you.

Especially since these statements don’t come in the heat of anger or out of a fit of rage.  They come around a calm and happy dinner table, or when we are playing outside and find a dandelion to make a wish on.

I’ll be honest, the first time I heard him say that, it stung.  Given his perpetual enthusiasm over the adoption and his very vocal demands that he stay with us forever, I was taken off guard.  But, I put my bruised pride aside and asked him to tell me more.

And that’s how I came to find out that his memory was playing tricks on him.  The good is becoming really good, and the bad a distant memory.

“I got to watch lots of TV and all the movies at my old house.”

“I ate lots of candy.”

“I could go anywhere I wanted.  I didn’t need an adult always watching me.”

At first I wanted to remind him…sure all of those things are true – but you watched TV because you had no toys and all that candy left you with a mouth full of rotten teeth and that’s not even the half of it…

But no, I won’t be reminding him.  I will tuck that pride in my pocket and tell him that I understand, because I do.  I will tell him that its okay to miss his old house – that I’m glad he has special memories of his time there.  And I will thank him for sharing his feelings with me.

And then, at night, I will say a silent prayer of thanks for this memory trick.  For my sweet angel slowly leaving behind pieces of a burdened past and how wonderful it is that the bad is what’s being dropped first.

Its then that I will be reminded that I don’t need to feel threatened.  Missing his old house doesn’t make him love his current one any less.  He simply wants both as the years bring him more and more peace with his past.  And peace has always been my wish for him.

Adoption Day

This post is for my friend SSG – a run down of April 16th, our adoption day 🙂

The court hearing wasn’t until 2pm so the morning started pretty typically.  Get kids up, dressed, and off to daycare (Sprout, conveniently, was on spring break from school).  A went to work for a few hours while I took advantage of a rare break and did some cleaning/laundry/grocery shopping – you know, all the things that take a fraction of the time without children under foot.  Then I treated myself to a mani-pedi.  It didn’t really help me calm down.  The nerves were off the charts (which is why it was a very wise move to send the children to daycare and not feed off of my nervous energy all morning).

Just before lunch I picked up the kids so they could eat and rest at home.  Daisy actually fell asleep on the way home and I executed the car-to-crib transfer so beautifully it left me wishing there was such a thing as the mom olympics because I would totally gold medal in that event.

While the kids were resting A came home and we got ourselves ready and bags packed.  OMG.ITS.ALMOST.TIME.

Since the probate court in our town is literally 4 doors down, we waited until the last possible moment before getting the kids up and the next 5 minutes were a whirlwind of throwing clothes off, new clothes on, wash faces, lotion, brush hair, shoes on and out the door.

And we arrived at the court beautifully on time (rare for us).

[Big kids thinking: “Isn’t it funny when mommies get crazy?”.  Daisy thinking: “What just happened to me and where is my crib??”]

Then we go inside and wait.  And disturb the women who are attempting to do their jobs inches from the tiny “waiting area” with the baby fussing, Rosebud making a mess of the water cooler, and Sprout’s incessant questions (“What are we waiting for? Where is the Judge? Where is Grandma and Papa? What are those ladies doing over there?” omg.child.please.shush). 

Speaking of Grandma and Papa, the family members we invited all arrived late and forgot their cameras.  Also, Rosebud ended up poking her in the eye with a pair of sunglasses.  And she started screaming and crying.  Just as the Judge came to great us.  Lovely. 

Let’s just say that whole annoyance plus my over-the-top nerves did not make for the happy and zen moment I was imagining the adoption to be.  Looking back its silly, but at the time I was just plain pissed off.

So I get Rosebud calmed and we go into a board room a/k/a “court”.  Judge is super casual and laid back.  There are no robes or gavels or anything of the sort.  We all just pull up a seat at the table and chat about the weather and oh by the way, these are now your kids forever.

Okay, it wasnt quite that quick, but practically.  And I should mention that the Judge did say some very sweet things to the children – telling them that they are very special people to have been given an opportunity that many don’t get and he charged them with the task of being important people in this world.  I have a feeling they will rise to that assignment.

He looked at Sprout before signing the decree and asked him very seriously, “Young man, are you ready to be adopted?” and without skipping a beat Sprout responded, “Yes! I’ve been waiting for this a long time!”  The room broke into ear-to-ear smiles.  And he brought us right back to the joy and importance of the day. 

The papers were signed and their new names were read aloud (we changed last names and a couple middles).  Its official, family forever!

 

Then it was time to head to a surprise A and I had in mind for the children.  Something that they’ve always asked to do, but we have never had the right occasion.  This seemed like the perfect time.

Build-A-Bear!

This was probably the highlight of the day – so glad we did it.  The kids had a blast picking everything out and making their forever “bears”.  Very fun.

And here are the finish products:

Sprout with Alvin

Rosebud with Peanutbutter

And Daisy with Cuddles

These teddies are very loved.  They are 3 new members of our family and go everywhere with us.

See what I mean?

After that adventure we invited family to go out to a little dinner celebration.  It was the kids’ choice on what restaurant we went to.  So naturally, we ended up at Japanese.

I’m not kidding. 

These kids have a thing for hibachi.  Or, maybe its just the fire?

Either way, a delicious and enjoyable meal was had by all.  We ended the night with a very special cake made by a talented friend.

A sweet ending for this long-awaited day.

Wordless Wednesday: Through the Years

The faces that go with all the stories filling this blog for the past 2 1/2 years 🙂

http://www.flickr.com/photos/21495843@N04/sets/72157629829726019/show/

Also…

 

yay!

I think its going to be a while before

I look at Sprout’s face in this picture and don’t get tears in my eyes

Beaming with joy.

The meeting was…

amazing!

We chatted like old friends for hours and got to see pics of beautiful, chubby, thriving Blossom.  She looks like my kids a bit, but her strongest resemblance was to her bio mom – definitely no mistaking that.

He said it, just as I was thinking it: We are the perfect example of a greater plan. 

Our family grew today. 

We even chatted about vacationing together this summer!  The sky is the limit from here 🙂

Guess who I just talked to?

The new baby (she’s going to need a blog name…lets call her: Blossom) Blossom’s dad!

She is wonderful, cherished, and loved.

We are meeting for lunch tomorrow to talk and he promised lots of pictures. 

I can’t wait!

This just in…

Finalization Date: April 16, 2012.

Best day ever.