Archive for June, 2011

June 30, 2011

Tough Conversations

“How was your day at summer camp Sprout?”

“It was good. I played with Luke. But a big girl was calling me names.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah, she kept calling me adopted.”


“I’m not adopted am I mommy?”


June 29, 2011

Wordless Wednesday

The first of many

June 21, 2011

What Makes a Good Foster Parent?

Another question from a lovely reader!

I’ve been asked that question before and always felt caught off guard.  Who am I to say? I’m still trying to figure it out.

But LT knows.  A former foster child now twenty-something who is trying to figure out life without a family.  Her foster care story is honest, infuriating, and all too common.  Having lived in 12 different foster/group homes, I’d say LT is the perfect person to answer this question.

Here’s what she says about what makes a good foster parent – I especially love and can fully vouch for #2. 

“I think of a good foster parent as acting similar to how the Taoist describe water.  Water flows gently and peacefully, …but over time is so powerful that it is able to carve through rock.” – beautiful.

June 20, 2011

It gets better

We now have a communication journal.  We’ll write notes back and forth to each other every visit.  Like pen pals.  Rumor has it that it took some convincing her get her onboard with the journal idea, but you’d never know it from what she writes.

The last note was even sweeter than the previous.  She closed it with “Thank you guys very much. Love, T”

Wow. I wasn’t expecting that. 

This might actually help me look forward to visits now.


June 16, 2011

Sometimes you just might get back what you put into this world

Apparently the universe was feeling my insecurities and decided yesterday was my day of reassurance. 

The therapist’s words have not left my mind since she said them: “He’s going to be okay.”  They still bounce sharply off the fear in my heart and bring tears to my eyes. 

He’s going to be okay.

Then, when the children arrived home from their visit, I found a note tucked into the diaper bag.  Written by their mom.  Our first connection.

It was kind and short.  Said the visit went well and relayed what the kids ate for dinner (so appreciated – I always wonder).  Mentioned that RB may have caught the pink eye that’s going through the family (I agree – ugh).  She thanked me for sending nice pictures.  And best of all, she said that the children’s hair looked very nice.  Wow. 

I haven’t mentioned it much, but Sprout’s hair has been a point of contention between the parties…mom wanted it to grow long and the department thought it looked unkept and unruly (not to mention Sprout wanted it short).  We recently trimmed it at the order of the department and mom was not happy about the idea.  We tried to be very respectful and kept it as long as we could while still looking neat.  I’m so glad and surprised that she likes it.  Maybe she could see our respect for her feelings in the trim.

Hair is such a funny thing in foster care world.  It is often the last thing bio parents have control over so they cling tightly to that power.  Then, of course, there’s also the concern over whether or not us white foster parents know what to do with the kids’ hair.

I always had the feeling that there was a mutual respect in our unusual relationship, but never really knew.  Now I do.  That thank you is one of the best I’ve ever gotten.

June 15, 2011


Ever have someone tell you something that you had no idea you desperately needed to hear?  That’s what happened to me today at Sprout’s therapy visit.

She’s brand new to the case and doesn’t know me very well, but she saw something in my eyes that prompted her to say:

“You are doing everything right to get him through this.  He’s going to be okay.”

Cue the uncontrollable, ugly cry. 

I didn’t realize how scared I am.  I hope what she says is true.



June 9, 2011

My favorite little man turns 5!

Choo choo – happy birthday to you!!

June 7, 2011

Too good to be true

Remember those idyllic scenes I posted last week full of happy children and abundant sunshine?

They are long gone.

Let me paint the scene in my house right now:

1) Sprout had such a bad day at preschool today that we have to keep him home tomorrow.  He’s currently in his room feeling very smug about getting what he wanted (ie. to stay home tomorrow).  Trust me when I tell you that he won’t be feeling so happy about it tomorrow.

2) Both babies are teething and have been screaming in unison for the past 3 hours, breaking only for small sips of bottle/sippy cup and never for longer than 2 minutes.  How much mo.trin do you have to give a baby for it to kick in immediately? (kidding, of course…)

3) My DW (meaning damn dear wife) is at softball where she will be until August.  Even longer if her team makes it to championships.  Go team!

Calgon, take me away.

June 6, 2011

Quote of the week(end)

We’re all hanging out at the playground, swinging high and happily chatting, when Mommy A asked Sprout, “How did we get such a sweet boy?”

He answered matter-of-factly as if we asked him the color of the sky: “You teached me.”

*    *    *

Just when I think I can’t love him any more, I do.  Its been our honor.

June 1, 2011

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