Archive for January, 2012

January 31, 2012

Transracial Parenting in Foster Care/Adoption

Here is a great resource on transracial parenting:

http://www.ifapa.org/pdf_docs/TransracialParenting.pdf

I especially like the transracially-adopted child’s bill of rights and the tips on fostering racial coping skills.  Transracial adoption isn’t something that should be taken lightly – its among my daily prayers that I can do it justice.

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January 30, 2012

Final Visit?

Mom resurfaced and a date has been set for her final visit with the children. 

During the call she was also told that we would be adopting the children and wished to have her continue to be a presence in their lives.  The social worker reported that mom sounded “positive” with respect to the news. So we’ll see. 

And wait and pray and hope that this isn’t actually the final visit at all.

January 27, 2012

That’s plain sad

I just signed the adoption disclosure. 

This is a document that is presented to pre-adoptive parents and is supposed to disclose all the case details regarding the children to the people who are signing up to take them in for life.  It includes details about history, reasons for placement, biological family, ect.

My heart raced a little when I opened the email attachment containing the document.  One part nervous and one part eager to learn more about my children.

Well, as it turns out, there was nothing in there I didn’t know.  And trust me, I don’t know a lot.  But they should, right? I mean, I was hoping to get some little details…you know, just small things, such as…

Where was Sprout and what happened to him the first 3.5 years of his life?!

Looks like I might not ever know. 

 

January 25, 2012

Wordless Wednesday

You would have thought it was a winning lottery ticket with how overjoyed he was to show us the special certificate he got from his teacher yesterday…

January 24, 2012

The answer to a 2+ year long question

We gathered the children around the table and through baby babble, toddler chatter, and munching goldfish, his social worker told him that it had finally been decided.  His mother was not able to care for him (“yeah,” he said, “I didn’t have a toothbrush there”) and he would stay with us forever.

He was stoic and serious and avoided eye contact, but asked her to say it again. I didn’t necessarily expect his reaction, but I wasn’t surprised by it either.  So much to process. We talked about it for a while longer.  Talked about big feelings and missing mom.  We read one of his adoption books together. 

Then, as if a lightbulb went off, he said:

“I’m staying here forever?!  Forever and ever! And I get a new last name!!”

He is seriously excited about this new last name business.

Then the night carried on in an oddly normal way.  We finished up our visit with the social worker and met up with my dad for a church fundraiser dinner.  Saw friends, ate good food, laughed and enjoyed each other’s company until it was time to head home.

I put my sleepy boy to bed – sang a song, rubbed his back, and kissed his head.  As I was getting up to leave the room he let out a sigh and said,

“This was the best day ever.”

 

January 23, 2012

The Talk

Today the kids’ social worker is coming over for a routine visit and I’ve asked her to be the one to deliver the news to Sprout.  She admitted that even after 10 years in her job, that talk still makes her nervous and she’s never quite sure if she’s saying it right.  Which confirms my suspicions…there just isn’t a “right way” to tell a child such a thing.

On a side note, I found out where mom has been the past few weeks…

in rehab.

I don’t know why, but that makes me want to cry.

January 20, 2012

Can’t he save it for home?

You know how they say that kids are always the worst for their parents?

Well that’s so not Sprout and I’m wishing it was. 

At home he’s been perfectly fine – really pretty good and cooperative, actually. 

At school? a nightmare. 

Obviously I know where it’s coming from – he’s got a lot on his mind right now.  But ugh, I’d really rather he save the crazy for when he got home once in a while…

January 18, 2012

The floodgates are open

My g.oogle search history is filled with things like “adoption announcement wording”, “carnival decor”, “magician”, and “pony party”.  Ask me what I’m thinking about at any given moment and it will probably be something along the lines of “I wonder who I can get to man the cotton candy machine?”  It’s nice to get caught up in it all…

it’s nice to forget about the harder things for a while.

January 13, 2012

From a text I just sent my wife…

after she sent me a message saying that Sprout was having trouble “having a calm body” again today at school…

“Of course he can’t sit still! He’s probably got the pins and needles of his life! What 5 yo in the world could concentrate at school when he may NEVER SEE HIS MOTHER AGAIN?! i hate how much he has to endure while also trying to live a normal kid life.”

 

ps. We haven’t yet told Sprout about the TPR.  Not that he’d know what a TPR was anyway.  What he knows is that someday soon a judge is going to decide what his forever home will be.  Out of an abundance of caution, we are waiting for the appeal period to lapse before we tell him.  But he senses it in the air – he always does.  It’s especially easy to put 2 and 2 together since his mom has disappeared…

pps. Dont worry, my wife knows I was just venting not yelling 😉

January 11, 2012

I didn’t expect it to feel like this…

TPR was granted.  Mom has 20 days to appeal, but no one has heard from her for 3+ weeks.

The email notifying us came with a bunch of adoption paperwork to be filled out.  So many questions we haven’t allowed ourselves to think of now need answers.  My mind is spinning to think of it all.

And then it quiets and goes back to the place its been dwelling so often these past few weeks…

but what about her? where is she? how badly is she hurting? when will I speak to her again?