She’s 4 Weeks Old Today

I still think about her.  Every day. All day.

When we are eating breakfast, or playing outside, or going down for bed – I picture what life would be like with her.  I can see exactly where she would fit.

I still feel that dull ache of something missing. The void is so real and tangible its odd to me that I can’t reach out and touch it.

I long to know her face, her smell, and the feel of her skin.  I wonder if she’ll remind me of my girls.  I wonder what she would feel like in my arms.

I need to know if she’s okay. If she’s warm and loved.  If she’s eating and sleeping. If her in-utero exposure has left her with any struggles.

It’s not the acute pain I felt initially.  I haven’t cried for her in a while.  But her presence is always with me.  My mind always drifting back to her.  Dreaming and longing and thinking of her.

It’s still feeling to me like I’ve lost a child.  I wonder if this is what her first mom is feeling as well.

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8 Responses to “She’s 4 Weeks Old Today”

  1. ((HUGS)) Has the other family been in contact with you as they had suggested?

  2. Thanks Holly – no word from them yet.

  3. Oh E. *hugs* I am thinking about you.

  4. I have been wondering if you were having these thoughts, and figuring that for every time she crossed my mind, she’d been on yours at least a hundred. I am so sorry for your loss, because that’s absolutely what it is. I’ll continue sending you peace and healing thoughts, and hoping her family gets in touch soon…

  5. I have been thinking of you, knowing you have been thinking of her. I hope those two keep their word and allow a connection. I shudder to think about the karmic implications if they don’t. I wonder if they wonder if they’ve done the right thing by not bowing out? I’m so sorry. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. ((Hugs))

  6. Oh E. I’m so sorry. Huge hugs to you. I pray you find peace with this situation. Kiss your babies a little more, hug them good and tight. I hope her family gets in touch soon.

  7. Simeon’s mom gave birth to a baby girl almost a year ago. We have no idea what happened to her. What you describe is the most accurate description of what I feel still. It is continually heart breaking and I imagine it always will be.

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