Archive for October, 2010

October 29, 2010

The latest edition of…

conversations I never thought I’d have:

“Hey Sprout, can you tell me about the bugs I found in your pocket when I was doing laundry?”

“They were cool bugs mom.  I brought them home to show you.”

“I bet they were cool when you found them, but when I found them they were dead which made me sad.  And I prefer mommy, mom sounds too grown-up.”

“I didn’t kill them. They were alive when I put them in my pocket. I am grown up.”

“I believe that, but do you think they had enough air or food in your pocket?”


“So what do you think happens to bugs with no air or food?”

“They die.”


“But can I pick them up?”

“I guess so, as long as your teacher doesn’t ask you not to.”

“But not put them in my pocket.”    


“Can I have a banana?”

October 27, 2010

Hey Baby, whats your sign?

You know, it never occurred to me to look up what the kids’ astrological signs were until this morning as Rosebud was attempting to claw her way into the shower with me (this child is obsessed with water!) and I mentioned to A, “geez, this kid must be an Aquarius or something”.   She rolled her eyes…’cause i guess if you know anything about anything, you’d know that Aquarius babies are born early in the year. Not November.  Whatever.

So, my curiosity peaked, I jumped over to this site to see what exactly the kids were.

First up was Sprout.  He’s a Gemini. And this is what they had to say about that:

Gemini, The Twins

Your baby is blessed with a quick, engaged mind and needs constant stimulation. Read to him several times a day, and make sure you have lots of little objects (rattles, squishy toys) for him to play with. Satisfy his natural curiosity — and fend off restlessness — with pop-up toys, puppet shows, storytime at the library, and frequent field trips (such as to the supermarket or a fish store). A true chatterbox, your little one may be the first in his baby group to speak. Even if it sounds like gibberish, pay attention: In his mind, he always has something crucial to say.

Well, they hit the nail on the head with chatterbox.  The child does not stop talking.  He loves to be involved in a conversation and always has something critically important to add.  I can also see the quick mind and need for constant stimulation – he is busy busy busy.  What I’d like to know more about is the twin thing.  Does that reference some type of dichotomous personality?  As in, one twin is an angel and the other is…well, you know where I’m going with this.  Because that would explain a lot.

Here’s Rosebud.  She’s a Scorpio.

Scorpio: The Scorpion

Your child’s intensity and perceptiveness are striking (and at times challenging). Even as an infant, she’ll read and respond to your emotions, so manage your anger and frustration in front of her. Because your little one is especially determined to get her own way, you’ll need to put your patience in overdrive. And since Scorpions are prone to shyness in large social settings, make frequent eye contact and let her know you’re there to protect her. Also, keep your home well-stocked with objects that appeal to your child’s probing nature: She likes soft stacking rings, toys with different textures, and open-the-flap books.

Hmmm, this doesn’t quite feel like Rosebud to me.  Certainly she’s unusually perceptive…I’ve said from the time she was little little that her eyes had a “knowing” way about them.  Like she was reading me with every glance.  And determined to get her own way? Absolutely.  But she certainly isn’t shy.   What about her zest for life and adventure?  Her contagious laugh? Her love of attention?

Then it occurred to me that Rosebud was born early.  According to her due date, she should have been a Sagittarius.

Sagittarius: The Archer

Optimistic, outgoing, and content, little Archers are true explorers. Put your baby in a carrier or stroller and she’ll happily go wherever you lead. Spend time roaming around the backyard and checking out the neighborhood: She needs lots of exercise for her physical and mental health. Your child will bounce back quickly from little spills and failures. But she also gets bored easily and constantly needs new toys. To hold her attention, read lots of stories about exciting adventures in faraway lands — and promise that she’ll get to visit them someday too.

Optimistic, outgoing and content?  A true explorer? Ahhh, there’s my little girl.  How interesting that she’s a blend of the two.

And just for fun, do you want to know what they said about me?

What a charmer you’ve brought into the world! Libras are blessed with grace and an inherent ability to captivate everyone around them. Give your social child ample opportunities to interact with her peers, such as baby classes and playdates (she’ll be Ms. Popularity long before she starts preschool). Consider throwing a big party for her first birthday — she’ll likely get a kick out of getting dressed up and being doted on by loved ones. And bust a move together: Libras love music and dancing.

Clearly they were right on with that one  😉

October 21, 2010

Thankful Thursday

This should have cost a little over $3k.  Instead, it cost us $164 thanks to generous people with amazing med donations.  Everything about this journey is humbling…and sometimes its good to be humbled.

On a side note, the fact that this order is so much bigger than the last is equally intimidating and exciting.  There’s no holding back this time, we are giving it everything we’ve got.  But 3 huge bags of needles?! Poor A 😦

October 20, 2010

Wordless Wednesday

Fall at the farm

Puh-lease mom. No more pictures.

Dancing with mommy A.


3 cute babies

October 19, 2010

We’ve got a green light for IVF #2 and are just waiting on the cycle to come.  This time we’ll be trying an antagonist protocol rather than the long lupron and we’re feeling good about it.  Everyone involved agrees that lupron was no good for A.   The fun bonus is that this protocol is at least a week shorter.

So the calendar is looking something like:

– Stim (follistim and menopur) first week of November

– Suppress around the end of that week (ganirelix)

– Retrieval/Transfer second week of November (Rosebud will be 1!)

– Thanksgiving-ish pregnancy test

A also wants to add acupuncture this cycle ensuring her status as a human pin cushion (i kid!) so she’ll be doing a session during stims, before and after transfer, and sometime around hopeful implantation.

And that’s the update from our camp.  It looks so nice and clean on paper…lets hope it translates to reality and resembles nothing of the rollercoaster that was IVF #1. 


October 14, 2010

Raising Rosebud

Its occurred to me that sweet Rosebud gets much less of the spotlight on this blog.  I assure you, though, that she gets no less of the spotlight in our lives.  It’s just that she’s easier.  Parenting her is purely instinctual – it requires very little processing, tracking, or working through which is what I do a lot of on here with the parenting of Sprout.   I would describe parenting her with the same words I’ve used to describe my marriage: warm and easy.  Of course that’s not to say in any way that I prefer parenting her to Sprout because anyone who knows me knows I love a good challenge.  Recently* a lovely reader asked that I blog a bit about how we are raising Rosebud and I’m happy to oblige. 

A and I are attac.hement parents through and through.  This didn’t come about because we read a bunch of books and compared parenting models.  It simply happened when we looked in her eyes followed our hearts.  The night 6 week old Rosebud was dropped at our doorstep, I had no idea what attach.ement parenting was – in fact, I probably had opinions contrary to the philosophy.  But when we were entrusted with a tiny, sick, FTT (failure to thr.ive) newborn who had already been through more caregivers than most know in a lifetime, it was clear what we needed to do.  Gosh, just writing that sentence makes the tears well up in the back of my eyes.

The first thing we did was respond.  To her every sound or look or need.  This was so that she could learn to trust – and to communicate.  We also kept her close.  For weeks she was no more than 5 feet from either A or I at all times.  We wore her (love the e.rgo  and tai if you are looking for recs), coslept (bedsharing is against foster regulations), and moved that bouncy chair from room to room to room as we went about our day.  And we employed lots of positive touch – cuddles, baby massages, baths, and plenty of skin to skin.

I was bonded instantly…I’d say it took her a couple weeks.  But once it happened, it was amazing.  She started gaining weight (so much she dropped the FTT title within the first month), sleeping better, crying less, she lost her stiffness and tolerated sensory experiences with ease.  We were hooked on attachem.ent parenting.

Now we are much less survival oriented and instead focused on supporting learning, discovering, and exploring in her own pace, in her own way.  The more attached she becomes, the more independent and fearless she is (oh my word is that baby fearless!).  We do our best to modify our environment for safety and success so that she can feel secure to explore without a hovering mommy.  We are very much believers in the mon.tessori method and see our role as cheerleaders and gentle guides.  Just as with Sprout, we have no interest in confining or controlling Rosebud, though we won’t miss an opportunity to teach if one arises.  Similarly, we make every effort not to short-change her abilities either.  She feeds herself whenever possible (and for this reason she usually eats naked), she uses the toilet (though not with any regularity), and does a million other things that makes my mom ask “Are you really going to let her xxx?!”   Yes mom, she’s fine.  Afterall, whats a little extra cleaning in exchange for learning and building confidence?

We don’t kid ourselves into taking credit for even an iota of the amazing spirit she is, but this methodology allows us to be the type of parents we want to be.  It just clicks for us.  Perhaps it does for you as well?

*And by recently I mean close to a month ago…sorry about that!

October 13, 2010


13 dpo of our 13th cycle brings us our 13th BFN.

Waiting on a call back from A’s nurse with our timeline for IVF #2.   Yet again we find ourselves scratching our heads and wondering…how in the world did we get here??  There just aren’t words.

I know that you are, but please, no more I’m sorry’s.

October 8, 2010

I love you without end, amen.

At this moment 11 years ago I kissed my wife for the first time.  I was shy and scared and nervous.  I pulled back quickly, “Don’t make me fall in love with you unless this is going to be forever.”  She kissed me again and said, “Go ahead and fall. I’m going to marry you some day.” (Oh the cheesiness! It’s the stuff good teenage romance is made of.)

Through high school, college, graduate school, secrecy and coming out, change in friends, different apartments and houses, new jobs, layoffs, career changes, discrimination, family disapproval, and law changes…she was right the whole time. 

I have spent every day of the past 11 years in love.  The thing is, at the time I didn’t really believe her, but I went ahead and threw my heart in the ring anyway (as I’ve come to do with all things in life!)…thank God I did.

October 8, 2010

Its a Surprise!

Today’s the day that I turn a year older (28 if you’re nosey, just don’t dare ask me my weight) and it’s not typically a day I advertise, but this morning was too cute not to share.

5:30am:  I feel the oh-so-light tickle of 4 year old breath on my nose.  For some reason, his breath always smells like cheerios.  And he doesn’t even eat cheerios.

“Sprout? Its still early. Why are you up?”

“Betause I was thinkin about I’m going to gramma’s house today to make you a cake and a pahty with balloons and a decoration purple is your favewit color but I’m not gonna tell you betause it’s a su-prise and I just gonna say hi mommy, happy birfday like Mommy A told me to.”  (that’s to be read all in one breath, just like it was said)


“Hi mommy! Happy Birfday!!  Do you wanna wear my pahty hat to work?? I let you borrow!”

And that’s the wonderful way I began my 28th year.  At 5:30am. 

This mommy gig is so incredible in the most unexpected ways.

October 6, 2010

Wordless Wednesday


ps – Sprout took that picture.  I’m not kidding.