December 27, 2010
Happy chatter, laughter, and the clink of forks meeting plates swirled around our dining room table filled with family on Christmas day. Across from me, I saw a little Sprout hand raise his glass and get everyone’s attention in a moment when he announced: “Lets do cheers!”
“Okay honey, what will we say cheers to?”
“Happy Birthday to Jesus and happy family to us!!”
I spend a lot of time thinking about what we are doing wrong, but in that moment, I knew we must be doing something right.
Happy Birthday to Jesus and happy family, indeed.
December 20, 2010
Saturday marked the 1 year anniversary of Sprout and Rosebud’s arrival. This year flew by…but then again, it feels like I’ve been their mommy forever.
That day was such an odd combination of nerves and normalcy – there really isn’t any other experience I could compare it to. I knew that day my life would be changed forever but I could never have anticipated the joy and fear and sadness that was around the bend.
A big part of me is still processing my entrance to motherhood – not to mention the whole 0 to 3 kids in less than 12 months thing. But one thing I know without hesitation:
This is exactly where I was meant to be.
A painful struggle to get licensed and far too many months battling infertility (unsuccessfully) and it was all necessary to wind up where I am now. Happy, whole, at peace.
There’s a Rascal Flatts song that I’ve always loved and heard for the first time in a while this weekend. Now I hear it in a whole different context, and the tears just started flowing:
Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like Northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
Happy 1 year to my beautiful Sprout and Rosebud. You are so loved and so welcome. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t hoping for many more.
December 10, 2010
I want to be Daisy’s babysitter.
She’s a foster mom who lives around the corner from us. She’s retired and single (widowed? divorced? I don’t ask) and has committed the rest of her life to caring for drug exposed and medically complex foster babies. She jokes that she hasn’t slept through the night in 10 years.
She has had over 100 babies through her home most of which she’s gotten straight from the hospital – either after birth and detox, or recovery from an injury. She’s seen the worst of the worst and has witnessed the most horrific and disgusting things people do to babies. But it doesn’t stop her…she will say yes to any call within her age range no matter the difficulties or complexities of the baby’s needs. She has rocked every last one of those babies to sleep.
I’m sure she’s rarely thanked. An afterthought in the eyes of the system. She’s not in it for keeps. Even the babies will not remember her. But she does it anyway. She embodies the saying, “It takes a village to raise a child.” She’s such an inspiration to me.
Can you believe there are angels like this in the world? Thank God there are.
December 6, 2010
I apologize to the handful of you who’ve requested the password to this blog and haven’t gotten a response. I’m actually in the process of un-passwording the posts about our struggle with infertility. It’s not a very pretty story, but one that I don’t feel like hiding any longer. So just give me a bit and you’ll have access to all the nitty-gritty.
PS – wordpress experts, is there a faster way to delete my password than going in post by post? ‘Cause I really don’t have that kind of attention span…
December 3, 2010
Its been one week since we met our sweet Daisy and became a family of 5.
One week into our placement with Sprout and Rosebud I was panicking. Convinced I had gotten myself in way over my head and terrified that I had made the biggest mistake of my life. I was desperate for a break and fatigued emotionally and physically. I have an acute memory of the way my ears rang and my head spun from all the crying and whining. Those were some dark and scary days, but somehow we managed to put on a happy face and do the work we were called to do, simply putting one foot in front of the other. Thank God we did. Because today? One week after saying yes for the second time?
Today I have the most incredible family ever.
There are still some tears and whining and doubts. And all I want for Hanukkah is a nap. But I’m loving it.
Even as life settled into a happy routine with Sprout and Rosebud, there was always the feeling that someone was missing. We were under the assumption that the missing person was the one we had yet to conceive and so it was that we were off to the RE for try after miserable try. But the minute she came, that empty space was filled. Last Friday, after we had kissed 3 little heads goodnight, A and I collapsed on the couch and she said, “Something about this feels right.” Who says that after getting the shock of her life with a surprise 3 day old straight from the hospital who’s barely a year younger than the other baby you already have and holy crap, what did we just say yes to?? But she was right. This family feels so right.