Covering

It has been a long time since we’ve heard from bio mom and close to a year since we’ve seen her.  Sprout misses her deeply and I’m running out of feasible explanations.  Each day is another day he does not see her, and each day he grows more mature and gains more understanding.

For a while it was “she’s working on getting better.  maybe soon.”, then “she’s moving and will let us know when she’s all set up”, and now, “I don’t know”.

He’s smart enough to know that if she wanted to see him, she could.  But he’s not yet old enough to understand all that may be holding her back.

I don’t know why it’s so important to me to “cover” for her.  To keep her on the pedestal.  Even now I am browsing amazon for a replacement Sponge Bob pillow – the one he talks about missing all the time and hopes that mom will send to him some day soon.  It would bring him so much joy if I ordered a pillow and pretended it was from her.  But why?

I guess it boils down to not knowing what is easier…being left to wonder, or having all hope lost.