Today, on the eve of National Adoption Day, I sat in a small room and had one of the most emotional conversations of my life. I couldn’t help but think of all the people strengthening and growing their families on this special day while I discussed disassembling the one I’ve spent the past year building. The reunification ball has been set in motion.
Now is when my test truly begins. I knew how to welcome them. How to embrace and attach to them. I knew how to parent them (mostly) and how to love them.
Now I need to learn how to let them go.
How to live the next few months of my life with a pit in my stomach and a lump in my throat with tears that fall with the slightest breeze. How to miss a child that is in my arms. How to fill them to the brim with love so that no matter the days, months, years that distance us, they will always know they are so very lovable. How to celebrate the same thing that is breaking my heart. How to have faith in a system that I generally have very little faith in. How to have faith in a God that I’m rather angry with right now.
Today I don’t know how to do any of those things, but I will figure it out.
Because I am a foster parent.
This is what I do. This is who I am.