You know you’re a mom if…
– Your shopping list regularly includes these three things: diapers, goldfish, wine
– You’ve taken photo and/or video of a crying child.
- No, I’d never do that…
– You’ve ever said “good luck” instead of “good bye” to a childcare provider.
– The phone rings at 8:30pm and your first thought is, “Who the hell is calling so late?!”
– Your child now runs away every time you put a finger near your mouth shouting, “Don’t put your spit on me!”
– Your workout partners are just not what they used to be.
- “Are we done yet???”
– You’ve instructed a child, “we only wipe our own vaginas”…more than once.
– Speaking of, your life involves A LOT of nudity. And not the fun kind.
- Naked Picasso
– You’ve wondered, ‘smeared banana or snot?’ in regards to mystery slime on your sweater.
– You have threatened a child within and inch of his life to smile for a picture, then posted it on Facebook with the caption, “Great Mommy-Son Day!”
- No really, that is a natural smile!