10 Signs You May be a Mom – XP

Original here.

You know you’re a mom if…


– Your shopping list regularly includes these three things: diapers, goldfish, wine

– You’ve taken photo and/or video of a crying child.

No, I’d never do that…

– You’ve ever said “good luck” instead of “good bye” to a childcare provider.

– The phone rings at 8:30pm and your first thought is, “Who the hell is calling so late?!”

– Your child now runs away every time you put a finger near your mouth shouting, “Don’t put your spit on me!”

– Your workout partners are just not what they used to be.

“Are we done yet???”

– You’ve instructed a child, “we only wipe our own vaginas”…more than once.

– Speaking of, your life involves A LOT of nudity.  And not the fun kind.

Naked Picasso

– You’ve wondered, ‘smeared banana or snot?’ in regards to mystery slime on your sweater.

– You have threatened a child within and inch of his life to smile for a picture, then posted it on Facebook with the caption, “Great Mommy-Son Day!”

No really, that is a natural smile!

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