A Crazy Morning

  • So, after posting about our second thoughts, I called our social worker.  Intending just to see if changing our mind was an option – and to get her opinion on things.
  • I got a call back from her – with 3 other supervisors on the line – getting drilled about what changed.  I felt bombarded, but understood the difficult position I was putting them in (since the baby had been matched with a pre-adotive family yesterday).  They wanted an answer on the spot on whether or not we wanted the baby.
  • They called A and bombarded her too.  She said she wanted the baby.
  • We waited…hands shaking, stomach twisting, wondering if we did the right thing…wondering if we were about to get a baby
  • Got a call that they were going to have an emergency meeting to decide where the baby should go.  Felt at peace knowing the decision was off of us and onto someone else.
  • Got another call.  They decided to keep things as-is and place the baby with the other family.  I cried, but my heart already feels less broken than it once did knowing I did all I could.
  • The other family appreciates the sibling bond and wants contact and visits.  They have 2 sons and are excited to welcome this baby girl.  It’s a 2 dad family.


20 Responses to “A Crazy Morning”

  1. That’s strange — I thought social workers always try to keep siblings together whenever possible, and are not supposed to put the wants/needs of prospective adoptive parents first.

  2. Wow. It sounds like there is a lot of love and some great options for that beautiful girl. It’s wonderful that the dads value sibling contact. I hope you’re both holding up ok.

  3. Marian – that is true, which is why we did get the initial call. But everything changed once they already had the matching session. Even though it hasnt been that long, we were essentially asking them to disrupt the placement that had already been made. So, based on our initial “no” to the baby, the ages of kids we already have (we’d be out of ratio and have too many littles), and the willingness of the other family to maintain the sibling connection and the possibility of forming an extended family relationship, they decided sticking with the other home was the best option.

    We were too little too late.

  4. Gosh, it’d only been a week. :\ I didn’t think about the “littles” factor, which is interesting because (obviously) it’s not impractical in the biological sense to have 3 kids under 4 (if I have that right).

    Well, it’s certainly good that the other family is interested in forming a relationship with you and your family.

  5. I am thinking about you and your family.

  6. Wow, there is so much that is hard about this and perhaps so much that is right. I am with you on this journey. Much love. What a morning

  7. Wow. At least you know that she is in a home where she will be loved and cared for and that your kids can be have a relationship with her. And what are the chances she is in a 2 dad family? Is your area a hotbed for GLBT foster families. 😉

  8. Somehow I think this will ending up growing your family 10 fold.

    I am gald she is wanted and adored. I am glad she’s completing a family that so desperately wanted a little girl.

    Isn’t it funny how life gives us unexpected blessings 🙂

  9. Awww, my heart goes out to you both. I am so glad you tried. If you hadn’t you might have always wondered! It sounds like things have worked out just like they were supposed to for everyone. It is so cool that they are also a GLBT family. At least you know just how wanted she is and what they have been through! This sounds like it could be the beginning of a really beautiful and special connection of two families. Two moms. Two dads. And lots of kids, some bio, some not, but who are all loved, wanted, and cared for. Sounds like everyone is getting just what they needed. My heart goes out to you and A that you both feel peace about the situation in the coming days.

  10. Sounds like she is going to be very loved by her foster dads. Hopefully their family becomes an extension of yours. Hugs.

  11. My stomach was in knots just reading this. HUGE hugs to you and A.

  12. I can’t imagine having to even make that decision. Sounds like if she is not with you she is going to a great situation.

  13. I am so glad the baby is in a happy, loving environment. And I am so completely heartbroken for you and A.

    Bittersweet indeed.

  14. In the long run, I think connecting to this other family will be a wonderful blessing for you and for the kids. I know what you mean about feeling relief knowing you did all you could and also having it turn out this way.

  15. I can only imagine the emotional roller coaster that you and your family must be on. You were going to have some second thoughts no matter what you chose. This baby is loved, and she’s still part of your family, but your family just got a little bit bigger. I’m thinking of you and A, I hope it gets easier soon.

  16. Wow! I echo the previous commenter sentiments and am sending you big hugs.

  17. I can’t imagine being in your shoes, but… I think things happen for a reason. I think there is a plan and purpose to everything. I pray for continued contact. I pray for an irreplaceable bond between all of you. Mostly I’m praying for peace.

    Much love and hugs!

  18. Oh my. I can’t imagine. You and A are amazing women.
    It is sort of interesting she was placed with a 2 dad family. Maybe when the time comes you can have a relationship with them. 2G and 1B for you, 2B and 1G for them…could be fun…

  19. Wow. My heart is going through the wringer with you two.

    Somehow, that “ending” gave me faith that everything will work out. I think your family just grew by even more than you thought!!!!


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