Rumor Has It…

That a certain someone might be pregnant again.

I know, right?

Crazy, head-spinny, overwhelming, my worst nightmare, sad, sad, sad.

Well, that was my initial reaction anyway.  I’ve had a few nights to sleep on it and its brought me slightly more peace and slightly more perspective.  Slightly.

Now I’m mostly just feeling sad – sad that there is a good chance we will be put in a terribly hard position.  One with no good solutions.

So to answer some questions:

  • I don’t know how far along she is.  I don’t even know for sure that she’s pregnant.  But I’ve got this gut feeling that she probably is…
  • Since TPR has already been granted and the adoption paperwork filed, it will not impact the kids’ case.
  • If the baby is born drug exposed, we will get the call.

And of course, the biggest question of all: What will we say?

It breaks my heart, but we will probably say no.

It’s no secret that A is maxed.  Without some major life changes (like winning the lottery and hiring a live-in nanny…or taking in a sister wife…), she does not feel she can handle 4 young children with 3 under 3.   And that is valid.  There are days when I’m maxed too.

And then there are the children.  I can’t even imagine how emotionally draining it would be for them Sprout to re-open all the craziness of foster care, visits, uncertainty, ect when we had just barely closed it.  I believe we will foster again, but now? and his sibling? It’s too soon. too close.  Not to mention the pain and confusion of watching his sibling go on visits with his mom when he may or may not be continuing his own relationship with her.  And what if the baby is reunified?  He can handle hard things – but that could be too much.

And then there is everything else.  The fact that we’d need a bigger house. And have no time off for “maternity leave” after using all our vacation for Daisy.  Also, we are tired.  I haven’t slept through the night in 2 years – I was kind of looking forward to it.  3 straight years of infancy?  ugh.  And forget ever getting a night out again.  There is a very short list of people willing to handle our crew now, with another baby? forget it.  Our family might actually disown us.  Or have us committed.   To be honest, we were so looking forward to putting babyhood behind us for a while.  To travelling and exploring and going on adventures that are so much more doable without a baby.  We were also looking forward to actually fostering – that is what we got into this all for, ya know?  I could go on and on.

But then there is the guilt.  It is so gripping.  I look at my Daisy.  My angel, my miracle, an amazing addition to our family, and I think “what if?”.  What if we didn’t say yes to her?  I don’t know how I will live with myself if I say no.

So here is what I pray:

I pray that this is the one she keeps.  That she continues in rehab and finds the strength and support to be the parent I know she can be.  I pray that she lets us help.  Somehow, some way, there could be something beautiful here.

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10 Responses to “Rumor Has It…”

  1. Oh, Elise, always such tears. I wish there were some easier answers… like “easily” building on another bedroom. Or that sister wife 😉 But, I guess she’d need her own bedroom, too. I joke, but I send big big big HUGS to you and Andrea.

    It is sad that the more you need help, the fewer people there are willing to help out the crazy crew. Many people want to come hold an infant for an hour or two… but who wants all 4 (or a screaming 10 year old…)

    Hey, wait… the house next door is for sale–we could share a backyard and have a crazy commune!?!

  2. What a tough situation. Certainly no easy answer, and I’m sorry you may be called upon to find one anyway. xo

  3. I am sorry you are put in such a tough position to have to make a decision that has no easy answers and no easy solutions. Here’s to hoping it was just a really big lunch. 😉

  4. Geeze! Just when it looks like things are going to be smooth sailing for a while….

    Prayers for all y’all. Prayers for peace and wisdom. Prayers for strength and a guidence. And a stiff drink when you need it 😉

    There really is no easy way to find help for kids that come and go, or come and bring their crazy with ’em. That makes everything harder–when you feel your little family’s on it’s own island in a great big busy world.

    Erat! Ha! That crazy commune idea might not be such a bad idea…

  5. So many prayers going out over this one. Wow. It’s never boring, huh.

  6. The commune idea sounds pretty good! But barring that, or a new sister wife, (but something in me suspects Andrea wouldn’t love that solution either ;)), it sounds like you two have thought of a lot of good reasons why this may not be your time. If it becomes a decision (I hope not, but understand the likelihood) of course you will wrestle with it even if your brains know the answer. It might be one of those many crossroads of life that you always look back on and wonder “what if?” But those crossings exist regardless of which path we take.

    If she is indeed pregnant, and the baby is positive tox, that would be three in a row. Will there be a fourth, a fifth? You have to draw your boundary lines somewhere. If this is where you need to draw it for Andrea’s sanity, or Sprout’s, our your extended family’s or whatever else… you can’t let bio mom’s bad decision making run your lives. Basically, I am saying, there should be no guilt in saying no, even if it’s one of the hardest things you ever do.

    Good luck, and I sincerely hope either that she is not pregnant or that your dream to support her in drug-free parenting comes true.

  7. I just wanted to say that I’m thinking of you and A and know that you’ll make the best decision for your family. Sending much love your way…

  8. Oh, goodness. I don’t even know what to say to this one… Just trust yourselves and your decisions. No guilt. You are wise, you are strong, you are kind. You are wise. You are strong. You are kind.

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