I didn’t expect it to feel like this…

TPR was granted.  Mom has 20 days to appeal, but no one has heard from her for 3+ weeks.

The email notifying us came with a bunch of adoption paperwork to be filled out.  So many questions we haven’t allowed ourselves to think of now need answers.  My mind is spinning to think of it all.

And then it quiets and goes back to the place its been dwelling so often these past few weeks…

but what about her? where is she? how badly is she hurting? when will I speak to her again?

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20 Responses to “I didn’t expect it to feel like this…”

  1. Wow! Thinking of you all!!

  2. For you to think of her at a time like this… wow! You have the biggest heart.

  3. Like winning the lottery and feeling bad for the ones who didn’t. Big hugs to you all!

  4. Amazing wonderful news. Hugs to you. I will be thinking all of you during this time.

  5. One of the reasons I adore you so is because even in the time of your greatest joy you think of those going through their greatest sorrow.

  6. Sending prayers for peace her way, where ever she is. And to your family as well.

  7. Oh my! Thinking of you, and of her.

  8. I agree with Two. 🙂

  9. Lately I’ve been holding my breath every time I see a post from you guys in my reader. I’m so glad to hear your news, though I can see how you’d have complicated feelings about it all. You know how fabulous these kids are, and it’s sad that their mom can’t parent them. And at the same time, it’s so great for them that you can. And so important for everyone to finally be moving towards some permanency.

  10. I’m so glad they have you.

  11. I am so happy you have reached this momentous milestone in your journey. A forever family!

    I understand your concern about the BM, I really do. We were terrified for LMC’s father after the TPR. We did our best to reach out to him, to make a special final visit, we sent along a letter but he just dropped off the map. It’s so sad but really common. You did your very best to leave the door open for her and perhaps she will walk through it one day soon.

    You have a wonderful heart and I hope you allow it to celebrate in some way tonight.

    Hugs, love and huge congratulations flying across the country to you.

  12. Thrilling and dreadful! I know it! K’s mom vanished after TPR. She surfaced again a few months ago. It’s always going to be a not right part of the puzzle. Even in the best case, it’s always going to be a little not right. I certainly pray for her and for you, mommies.

    Congratulations! The real fun (and paperwork and headaches and waiting) begins!!!

  13. Congratulations to you and the whole family! I’ve been reading for sometime however I do not comment often, I guess I’m shy, :). I am absolutely amazed that even though you have been dreaming of this day for so long, when it finally comes all you can really think of is how she’s doing? Where is she? Is she ok? You are such an amazing person and although she may not see it right now, these kids are so lucky to have you two. Good luck with the rest of the process and for Sprout’s sake I hope she comes back, someday.

  14. I’m praying for your whole family in celebration and in hope. I am so excited to about your next steps. The journey to adoption.

    At the same time, I pray for BM where ever she is. Hopefully she’ll turn up sooner or later.

    Congratulations and best wishes.

    I just love you guys!

  15. Thinking of all of you and sending lots of hugs your way for the range of emotions this has created. I am so happy for your family. I will continue to hope and pray that BM will come back around.

  16. I’m so happy for you.
    I hadn’t really thought about that aspect of TPR. That is HARD.

  17. Wow, so many complicated emotions. It’s not easy to love.

    I’m so happy for your family!

  18. So happy for you & the kids–for some permanency. Holding Pattern is right–winning the lottery.

    I don’t know if I told you, but when we picked Pumpkin up at the hospital, I had this strong sense of wondering if his mom was on the floor, or in the hospital, and what she was thinking or feeling. One of our happiest days, was one of her saddest. Prayers for you.

  19. So glad to hear things are moving ahead for you. Hopefully their mother finds peace in knowing that they are safe and loved where they are. As stressful as meeting her was, hopefully it will bring her some solace in all of this.

    Hope the waiting period flies by

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