Just when I thought things were getting easier…

Tonight I marched Sprout out of the house – barefoot, pitch black, chill in the air, well past bed time, and plunked him in the car where he screamed and raged like a possessed demon.  All because his bath wasn’t deep enough for his liking.

Okay, not really, let me back up…

So today is Wednesday, and if you’ve been reading for any length of time, you now know that’s visit day.  Which has been no big deal for the past long while. Little things here and there, but nothing mentionable – fine, really.  But of course it’s always fine, until it’s not.  Which is what brought us to tonight.  Its been going well for so long that I think Sprout almost forgot what it used to be like.  And he’s been talking about this visit all week since mom promised him a new toy.  I tried to warn him.  I tried to gently put those buffers in place.  But it didn’t help – nothing does, really, when you are 5 and have been looking forward to seeing your mom all week and getting an exciting new toy from her…and then she doesn’t show. 

There’s nothing like that familiar disappointment to bring the crazy right back up to the surface.

At first he was just plain sad. bummed. disappointed. All the things he had every right to be. We talked about it, validated those feelings, and he went on about his afternoon…seemingly unphased.  But the cracks always show themselves at night when its dark, he’s tired, and is faced with the inevitableness of being left alone with his big feelings in his big bed.

So this time, instead of asking for more cluddles, to be rocked to sleep, or an extra book at bed time, he flipped the F out. 

And you know what I realized – literally just now as I’m typing this (welcome to my stream of consciousness) – I realized that its okay.  We are going to have these days and its okay.  I’m strong enough, he’s strong enough; crazy, bring it on.

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10 Responses to “Just when I thought things were getting easier…”

  1. It’s so hard for them and so hard for us. This whole process disappoints a lot of people and the flips outs…oy do I know from the flip outs. I hope he got it all out of his system and the calm returns once again. Hugs to you and Sprout.

  2. I’m so glad he feels safe enough with you to let real emotions out. Could you imagine if he had to stuff them deep down? How awful.

    Your family is hands down the most amazing family I have “known” in a long, long time. Sending warm thoughts and healing vibes your way.

  3. If we all had families like yours, therapists would be out of business. Sending hugs to you and Sprout as you work through the Big Feelings.

  4. As a therapist, I totally agree with CoffeeBlue. As a parent, I ache for all of you. I’m so impressed by the ways your family weathers these emotional storms together. And it’s your strength that makes it feel safe to Sprout to let you in on everything that’s going on.

  5. Ditto the previous posts, you and A are doing SO awesome with these kids and I’m amazed at your strength through it all. Give Sprout some extra hugs sent from here…

  6. Oh my heart. Oh his heart. Oh yours. It IS good and better and moving… until it isn’t.

    And we’ll always face regression days. We had a few of our own over hear a few weeks ago. Lot’s of face slapping and ragey-ness. But they’re coming farther and fewer and each time, we find that we all understand each and ourselves more.

    I pray you continue to find the same. {{HUGS}}

  7. 😦
    My daughter went through two years of that. I’d drive her to the d.cf office and we’d sit there and she’d look out the window waiting for her mom to show. It was awful.
    I’m sorry.

  8. I can’t say it better then Coffeemama and pajamamama. So I’ll just send my loving, healing thoughts to Sprout. He is going to be the most amazingly strong and resiliant man because of the patience and love you are modeling for him now.

  9. My partner and I knew we were really getting the hang of things when we got to that “it’s ok… bring on the crazy” state of mind!

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