Heartbreaking

As you know, we recently observed Yom Kippur which is a Jewish holiday that asks us to repent for the sins of the previous year and ask for atonement, or forgiveness, for those sins.  We explained this process to Sprout, in a much watered down and kid-friendly way, and I could tell he got it this year and was thinking it over.  Apologize for poor choices, be forgiven, and move on with a clean slate – hmm, that seemed like something he could get behind.

Later in the day he told me he had been thinking about the “forgive stuff”.  He said, “When I was four years old and three years old, I was a bad boy.  That’s why other people didn’t want me.  But you did and now I’m a good boy.”

It knocked the wind right out of me. 

A knowledge and understanding I never knew he had.  This burden he must bear.  Oh no Sprout.  My sweetest boy.  No, no, no, no, no.

Of course I put that notion right to bed.  I scooped him up and told him he could never ever be a bad boy – there is no such thing.  There are only poor choices and regardless of those, he is wonderful – has been wonderful – every day of his life.  He is sunshine and always has been.  His time was short with other caretakers simply because he had a different place to be. 

But did he believe me?

Were my words enough to heal the hurt and convince him that it is true?

What other painful thoughts are living in that head of his? 

 I guess only time will tell.