Q&A: Notes

I had a reader ask if I could share more about the notes BM and I now write back and forth.  I had to mull over it for a bit (does that cross the confidentiality line? yes/no?) but decided that our last couple exchanges were innocuous enough to share.  So here’s a very good example about what our notes are like.  I share it in hopes that it may change a mind or two about BMs involved with the foster system – and to show the enormous return that can be gained when you work hard to build that relationship.  I can’t explain how much I treasure these notes.


We had a good visit today even though it was so hot.  Thank you for the pictures – very handsome.  RB is the biggest helper when she’s getting her hair done, she likes it a lot.  Daisy is getting so big and she’s happy all the time.  Glad the kids are learning to swim ’cause I can’t.  You guys enjoy the weekend and stay cool.

Love, T.


Sprout has had a great week! He earned 10 stickers at school and got to pick out a prize from the special box.  RB is also having a good week and is starting to learn to use the toilet.  Daisy has been her usual sweet self, but is unfortunately fighting off a fever and working on a new tooth.  Hopefully she won’t be crabby during visit.

Have a great day!

Love, E.


5 Comments to “Q&A: Notes”

  1. I really like stories like these

  2. This is great. I think it’s so important that foster parents are willing to work with birth parents in any capacity. We still keep contact with Simeon’s dad. I’ve had phone calls with parents post reunification. And once we had a relationship in which we were in regular contact with the mom. They were all good relationships for all of us. I hope to continue having opportunities to get to know the birth families better.

    Go y’all! Thanks for being a good example and for sharing your journey 🙂

  3. I love the idea of the notes and I wish that I’d thought of it when A was still visiting her birth mom. I still have such conflicted thoughts about her. She did love her daughter but just didn’t have the strength, will, or life skills to get her life together. Looking back, I know it would have meant a lot to her to feel included, and maybe feeling like she was an equal partner in the situation, deserving of the respect of such communication, may have helped her a little. Which in itself brings up another set of emotions.

    Thanks for sharing!

  4. Great notes, and I’m so glad that relationship can be a good one. I was wondering though… does having these exchanges make it harder for you to hope for an adoption outcome? Or, maybe I’m jumping here, are you hoping for adoption or reunification? I hope I’m not phrasing things poorly, I’m just very curious about how your and their relationship with BM changes your feelings about the ultimate outcome. If adoption does occur, will there be a continued relationship with BM?

    (Please ignore any questions that are too personal.)

  5. I remember you saying awhile back that you weren’t sure if bio-mom knew that you were two foster moms. (NOT your decision.) I am wondering how that has changed with the journal, and if there has been any reaction to it. (If you feel comfortable sharing).

    I am glad the journals are working out well for all of you, and probably helping provide more consistency for the kids. Awesome.

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