Archive for November 19th, 2010

November 19, 2010

P.S.

A few extra details…

  • Within the first 5 second of me entering the room (in a running late, bad traffic, no parking, wild rush), they announce bio mom is pregnant with baby number 6.  Hello. 
  • Due just a few weeks after she’s supposed to be reunited with the kids.  Zero to 3 with 2 under 2.  Not exactly a “setting her up for success” kind of situation.  I will be praying for her.  Honestly.
  • I was anxious about meeting bio mom.  But she didn’t show.  Neither did the kids’ attorney.  Seriously?!
  • That phone call on Wednesday was entirely out of the blue.  I made sure everyone in the room knew how very displeased I was with that fact.  And then I got more info on the case in 30 minutes than I’ve gotten in 11 months.  I (of course) still don’t know everything, but I know as much as I need to know.
  • A member of the state’s foster parent advocacy group went with us.  She left feeling as though she didn’t do much, but she did so much.  I’m at peace, at least momentarily, with the level of information/respect/rights we as foster parents are currently receiving.  She is steering us in the right direction and its so very good to be under someone’s wing after dangling for so long.
  • My poor wife.  Usually the strong,  stoic type.  I don’t think she’s stopped crying since Wednesday.  She cried at work, at dinner, at bed time, at the meeting.  The tears just seem to flow and she’s helpless to stop them.  I’ve got to keep my eye on her. 
  • How super awesome is it that we get to go through all of this on top of our IVF 2ww?? If I was ever going to have a mental breakdown, this would be the perfect formula for it.  Thank goodness I drink a lot.   (JOKING people. See, I can still laugh.  or at least chuckle).
November 19, 2010

And so it happens

Today, on the eve of National Adoption Day, I sat in a small room and had one of the most emotional conversations of my life.  I couldn’t help but think of all the people strengthening and growing their families on this special day while I discussed disassembling the one I’ve spent the past year building.  The reunification ball has been set in motion. 

Now is when my test truly begins.  I knew how to welcome them.  How to embrace and attach to them.  I knew how to parent them (mostly) and how to love them. 

Now I need to learn how to let them go. 

How to live the next few months of my life with a pit in my stomach and a lump in my throat with tears that fall with the slightest breeze.   How to miss a child that is in my arms.  How to fill them to the brim with love so that no matter the days, months, years that distance us, they will always know they are so very lovable.  How to celebrate the same thing that is breaking my heart.  How to have faith in a system that I generally have very little faith in.   How to have faith in a God that I’m rather angry with right now. 

Today I don’t know how to do any of those things, but I will figure it out. 

Because I am a foster parent.

This is what I do.  This is who I am.