Today I’m feeling very tenderly balanced on the edge. 

We received a blow this weekend.  It was that illusive “thing” that I held in my mind during our TTC journey as my breaking point.  I think other IFers will know what I’m referring to…the whole, “As long as we get pregnant before____ (fill in name of person, date, ect).”   Well that point has been reached for us and I’m humbled/ashamed/sorry to admit that it has been every bit as difficult as I imagined it to be. 

My happy face is tired.

I’ve been crying a lot, and praying a lot.  And the clomid is certainly not helping.  It’s difficult to decipher exactly how much is actual downward spiral and how much is chemically-induced “give it a few days and it’ll be gone” spiral.

 I’ll get through this, and there will be brighter days, but today I need to focus on just hanging on.

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4 Comments to “”

  1. Whenever I say I understand it sounds so very lame but I truly, truly do. Please do not be ashamed, sorry or humbled. It’s a loss in its own way. Loss of time, a dream, a big loss of money. It’s very real, terribly unfair and you wouldn’t be human if you didn’t grieve for what is missing. You don’t have to have a happy face. It hurts.

    I am so sorry and am wishing the very best for you this cycle. If you need anything please let me know. ((hugs))

  2. Hang on. You’ll make it. You’re not alone and you are loved.

  3. Some days, even “one foot in front of the other” sounds like too much. Some days it’s hard enough just to keep breathing. I remember those days all too well. I know you will get through this because you are incredibly strong and have such a great support system in A, but I’m sorry for all of the pain you are feeling in the interim. Sending healing energy your way…

  4. I know those days. I’m sorry you reached that marker – they suck.

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