Archive for July 27th, 2010

July 27, 2010

Written in tears

I believe in rehabilitation.  I believe that people can change and should always be given the opportunity to do so.  I believe in my role as a foster parent and the goal of reunification.  But tonight, oh Lord tonight, all my beliefs have been tested.

It began when we found out they were having a later than normal visit. Not a good idea, I thought…

Then it continued as I paced anxiously waiting for them to come back home more than an hour past when I expected them…

And then it all came to a head when they were dropped off.  Two hysterical sobbing masses left at my doorstep. 

Rosebud was soothed with a change, a warm bottle, and a couple of sweet lullabies.  But when you are 4 it’s not that easy – you remember too much. You understand too much.  So I collapsed with him on the kitchen floor. I clenched my eyes and rocked that sweet boy as he cried his heart out.  He cried a darker pain than I’ve ever known despite having 7x the years he does.  I whispered to him because I knew that if I were any louder, he’d crumble right there in my arms.  A while later I carried him to his bed and made up stories of spaceships and water slides to breathe into his ear.  An attempt to transport him far, far away. Even just now when I left him, he still trembled as he drifted into sleep.

Please help me remember what part of this is right.

July 27, 2010

Baby For Sale

Cute and cheap.

All those peaceful and easy nights when she was itty bitty are kicking us in the tuchus right now.  Teething is going to be the death of us all.  Think I’m being dramatic? You should have heard the screaming last night…in fact, did you?