Archive for July 7th, 2009

July 7, 2009

Radio Silence

This post has been on my fingertips for the past week and I’ve been debating writing it because, really, I have a good life and I hate to complain when there are clearly many many worse things going on in the world.  But i might actually explode if I don’t get this out of my head….

So here’s my update on our foster process: Its been 7 months since the onset and we still don’t have a placement.  According to the last call, it’ll probably be another 2ish months before we’re even “in the system” and considered for matching.  How’s that for stark contrast to the 6-8 weeks they initially told us?

And while I want to be handling the wait with patience and grace, its honestly killing me.  Its just something I want soooo badly and I know that there are children out there RIGHT NOW who need loving homes while ours is empty and just waiting.  I hate having to walk by that empty nursery every day.  When I put it together, my heart was filled with so much hope and joy and expectation – now all tainted by frustration.

The straw that broke the camel’s back came two fridays ago when I was talking to a foster parent friend of ours.  She was telling me that a matcher had called her at 9 pm looking to place a 12 month old boy.  The matcher has been trying for hours to find a home for the boy with no luck and the call to my friend was out of desperation b/c she’s no longer accepting placements and has only ever taken girls.   Hearing the story was like a knife to my heart.  I’m constantly wondering where that poor baby ended up.

What makes it all the worse is that no one (outside of blog and message board land) understands why I’m so upset.  Even Andrea doesn’t really “get” how my heart is actually aching for the children out there that need and DESERVE a loving home. 

The only thing that’s keeping the tears from falling is my faith in a greater plan and hope that all the months of waiting are so that we will meet the exact child we were meant to help.