One of the biggest things I have to be aware of in navigating my marriage is not steamrolling my sweet wife. The thing is, seemingly from the second I was born, my head has been filled with plans, dreams, and goals. I am always working towards the next big thing. Take for example this exchange I had with my UPS delivery guy last week…
UPS: “Wow, I really feel like I’ve watched you girls grow up”
Me: “Oh, yea? Hows that?”
UPS: “This time two years ago I was delivering text books to your apartment around the corner. Last year I was delivering wedding favors and furniture for the house. And now I’m unloading boxes of baby strollers and car seats. You two just don’t slow down, do ya?”
Me: “Should I be concerned that you’re paying such close attention to our mail?”
(Said all in fun, of course! I’ve got a special kind of relationship with my ups guy 😉 )
While my sometimes ruthless, goal-oriented approach serves me well in corporate america, this isnt exactly a pattern I’d like to carry over to my marriage. So Andrea must endure a lot of checking in: “Are you sure you’re ready?” “How are you feeling?” “Is this really what you want?” “Do you just want this because I want it?” “You know we could slow down or modify the plan at any time, right?” – the poor woman, it must be exhausting. But she calmly answers, Yes, Fine, Yes, No, Yes, Do we have any ice cream left?
As passionate, excitable, and opinionated as I am, Andrea’s just not. She’s easygoing, calm, and questions have very simple answers – like yes or no. So, you can imagine the way my heart fluttered when a friend asked her this weekend how she felt about soon becoming a [foster] parent and she responded with bright eyes and a big smile: “I can’t wait! Its going to be amazing!!”.
Yup, my heart became an instant puddle at my feet. If ever I needed reassurance that she was just as into this and excited as I am, there it was. This woman is 100% my partner and the way in which she takes on my dreams and makes them her own is overwhelming in the best kind of way. So last night among tangled legs, entwined fingers, and matching whispers, I expressed to her how much it meant to me that she supports me in making all my dreams come true. And for the thousandth time I reiterated that I also wanted to make all her dreams come true. She looked at me and answered in her usual, uncomplicated way:
“You already have.”