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The Joke’s on Me

On Friday Sprout came down with the stomach bug.  We’re not usually big TV people, but since it was in his best interest to rest and stay mellow, we let him watch the movie Cars.  Then I proceeded to spend the weekend complaining to anyone who would listen about the improper language in the movie and why in the world can’t anyone make a nice, appropriate, children’s movie anymore??

Fast forward to yesterday evening.  I get home from work and Sprout is excited to show me all the treasures his bio mom gave him during their visit (she didn’t show last week so I guess there was lots of making up to do).  A monster truck.  A duck for the bathtub.  A dollar.  And, a movie.  He was especially psyched about the movie. 

You know why the joke’s on me?  Well, after I spent days complaining about a G rated kid’s film, his mom gives him a DVD thats rated PG-13, and full of violence and sexual innuendo (no, we didn’t watch it. I had seen it before).  Apparently he’s 3 going on 13?  As an added bonus, he also told A no less than 5 times that we’re not his mommies and that Rosebud belongs to his mom only. 

Ahhh, the joys of coparenting.

 

A Snapshot

Let’s face it, I do a fair amount of mentioning Sprout’s less desirable behaviors on here (ie: the meltdown of epic proportions we faced Thursday during bath time) but I want to make sure I give this boy a fair shake and highlight the many things he does so well.  Friday morning provided me with the perfect example…

At 5:15am A got up to shovel the driveway and since Sprout is (as his therapist has labeled him) hypervigilant, he sprung out of bed to see what the early morning fuss was about.  And now that he was up, there was no chance of getting him to go back to sleep.  So, A asked him to read some books quietly in his room until I got up. 

Pffft.  Sprout? Energetic, 3 year old, must-be-with-people Sprout? Read books alone in his room??  Well, wouldn’t you know it. 

I got myself and Rosebud up about 20 minutes later and peaked into Sprout’s room to see him sitting on his bed reading “I love you, Good Night” to Elmo who was placed gingerly in his lap.  I stood in the dark hallway watching him, holding his sleeping sister in my arms, and trying my hardest to soak in the wonder of these amazing children.  It didn’t matter that it wasn’t even 6am yet, or that my house was a mess, or that I had at least 20 emails overdue for a reply – all that mattered was that this beautiful little boy felt safe, secure, and loved enough to read a book by himself for a little while.  I know it seems like such a simple thing, but in our world – in his world – the ability to trust enough to be alone is huge.  I made sure to tell him how proud I was…after I blinked back the joyful tears.

 

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One Month

Dearest Sprout and Rosebud,

You’ve been living with your Mommy A and E for a month now.  Life as a new family of four has settled into a nice pattern of routine and stability.  We’ve enjoyed magic of Christmas with you, explored new places, and have shared much laughter.  You’ve met countless new people this month and we are amazed by the way that you’ve opened your arms and hearts to your new extended family. 

Sprout, the two characteristics that really strike me about you are your resilience and friendliness.  You are such a happy, welcoming child that easily wins the heart of everyone you meet.  Your favorite activities these days are trucks and play dough! You also love to play on the playground and we can’t wait until its warmer outside so we can do that more often.  When we ask you what you want to be when you grow up, you always answer “A daddy!” – with your caring, compassionate soul there is no doubt in my mind that you would be a wonderful one.  You are so smart and the success you are having in school learning your letters and numbers has us beaming with pride.  You will go far in life and I can only hope that in some way I’ll be watching from the sidelines.

Rosebud, when I think of you, I smile – and since I think of you often, you always have me smiling!  You are the cutest baby I have ever seen and I’m quite concerned that one day your nose will fall off from too many kisses.  You have a warm soul just like your brother and you flash us your wide smile every chance you get.  When I look into your eyes there is a distinct calmness and maturity – as if I’m getting a glimpse into many generations and a life so much bigger than I’ve ever known.  You are full of love and patience and grace. 

I love you both so much and I promise to stand by your side, for as long as I’m called to, no matter where this journey takes us. 

All my heart,

Mommy E

 

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Poor Peanut

Rosebud had her two month appointment and I was so excited to see how well she’s doing! Our peanut is up to 11lbs 12 oz and 22 1/2 inches long.  A little above average on weight and a little below on height (don’t I know how that goes!) - which is awesome considering she barely even made it on the growth chart at birth.  She also showed off her wonderful personality (pre-shots) and gave the doc a bunch of big smiles.  What a flirt.

And then it was time for the vaccinations.  It was awful. A-W-F-U-L.  My sweet, good-natured Rosebud nearly threw up she was crying so hysterically.  Nothing would soothe her and I fell apart inside.  I know opinions about vaccines are personal to those who hold them, but being someone who doesn’t necessarily agree with the traditional vaccination schedule, it was so hard to see her tiny body pumped full of 4 vaccinations and even harder to see the bad reaction.  I am going to pray that I’m never forced into that situation again  ::sigh::

My poor little girl has been running a low grade fever since yesterday evening and hasn’t slept consecutively for more than an hour.  It’ll be an early bed time for all of us tonight.

 

I’m not alone

Yesterday evening I made a quick stop at the  store on my way home from work.  I was blissfully by myself.  Didn’t have to lug a car seat, diaper bag, snacks, or a screaming preschooler.  It’s amazing how children make you appreciate the simple things in life, huh?

After completing my shopping list, I hopped into the check out line.  It was a long line, but I didn’t care.  It had been weeks since I got to page through the tabloids and I had a lot of celebrity gossip to catch up on (Did you know Sim.on Co.well was leaving Idol?).  About a minute in I noticed that the full cart in front of me belonged to a mom and little boy who looked about the same age as Sprout.  I smiled - cute kid - and got back to my reading on Josh and Fer.gie.

Then it started.  The boy was getting antsy from the wait and his fidgety whine quickly turned into an all out crying tantrum – hello familiar scene.  In fact, his voice sounded so much like Sprout’s that I swear I had a moment of PTSD.  My first instinct was to dive behind the checkout counter and rock myself in the fetal position.  Thank goodness for the flying cereal box that snapped me back to reality because that reaction really could have been awkward. 

Instead, I grabbed the cereal and a couple other items that had been flung out of the frenzied mom’s cart during her child’s rage and said “Hey silly boy, did you drop this?!” (don’t judge,  it was the first thing that came to mind).  He was instantly shocked into silence by this wierd stranger (wow, that was easier than I envisioned), so I followed with “let’s help by putting these things on the belt” – and he did.  I know, crazy.  Why doesn’t it work like that with my child?  I helped her get the rest of her things out of the cart for scanning and made small talk with the little guy while she paid.  He was especially excited about the picture I had in my purse of Sprout.  When it was time for them to go, she gave me a wide-eyed “Thank you” and I just smiled and said “I’ve been there”.

Thinking back on the little encounter I realize how much these children have already changed me.  The truth is, a few months ago I probably would have stood by avoiding any eye contact with a mom and her screaming kid in the check out line.  I would have stuck my head further in the magazine and pretended not to notice.  But now that I’ve been that mom…well, that changes everything.

 So, thank you Sprout.  Thank you for showing me an empathy and understanding I wouldn’t otherwise know.  I look forward to learning so much more (though it would be nice if you could do it without the tantrums, okay?).

 

Soulmates

I’ve known for a long time that I’ve had the amazing luck of being matched with my soulmate.  It’s a blessing for which I’ll never be able to fully articulate my gratitude.  Those out there who’ve received the same gift know just what I mean.  My wife can finish my sentences, order exactly what I’m craving off of a menu, and know how I’m feeling by the touch of my hand.   She’s dried tears from devastating losses and picked me up when I’ve been crushed by life.  When I’m with her I breath deeper, laugh harder, and see the beauty in life just a bit more clearly.

But I’ve come to realize that these are not the only things that make her my soulmate.  There are things simpler than that – the things that we come across at 4pm on a Sunday and might even miss if we weren’t paying attention.  There is a lot of stress that is placed on a marriage when you become co-parents, but I’m so very thankful that I have these things to remember…

• She tells me I’m beautiful at the end of a long day even though I have spit up on my shirt, pants, and socks, paint under my fingernails, and tears and snot in my hair.
• Our moments of low-energy, little-patience, about-to-hit-the-wall never overlap.  This is key.
• At 3am when the baby won’t stop crying, and I can’t either, she swoops in without a word,  stops all the tears, and gives me a kiss goodnight.
• She reminds me that we can do this at the exact moment I need to hear it – and trusts me when I tell her the same.
• We are in this together.  A united front against the terror that lives inside of our little boy.  And as long as we are a team, we are unstoppable. 

I’ve come to realize that being soulmates is not about how she makes me feel or the ways in which she completes me.  It’s much more about the shared dreams and goals.  It’s about what we can accomplish in this world together.