That’s plain sad

I just signed the adoption disclosure. 

This is a document that is presented to pre-adoptive parents and is supposed to disclose all the case details regarding the children to the people who are signing up to take them in for life.  It includes details about history, reasons for placement, biological family, ect.

My heart raced a little when I opened the email attachment containing the document.  One part nervous and one part eager to learn more about my children.

Well, as it turns out, there was nothing in there I didn’t know.  And trust me, I don’t know a lot.  But they should, right? I mean, I was hoping to get some little details…you know, just small things, such as…

Where was Sprout and what happened to him the first 3.5 years of his life?!

Looks like I might not ever know. 

 

 

Wordless Wednesday

You would have thought it was a winning lottery ticket with how overjoyed he was to show us the special certificate he got from his teacher yesterday…

 

The answer to a 2+ year long question

We gathered the children around the table and through baby babble, toddler chatter, and munching goldfish, his social worker told him that it had finally been decided.  His mother was not able to care for him (“yeah,” he said, “I didn’t have a toothbrush there”) and he would stay with us forever.

He was stoic and serious and avoided eye contact, but asked her to say it again. I didn’t necessarily expect his reaction, but I wasn’t surprised by it either.  So much to process. We talked about it for a while longer.  Talked about big feelings and missing mom.  We read one of his adoption books together. 

Then, as if a lightbulb went off, he said:

“I’m staying here forever?!  Forever and ever! And I get a new last name!!”

He is seriously excited about this new last name business.

Then the night carried on in an oddly normal way.  We finished up our visit with the social worker and met up with my dad for a church fundraiser dinner.  Saw friends, ate good food, laughed and enjoyed each other’s company until it was time to head home.

I put my sleepy boy to bed – sang a song, rubbed his back, and kissed his head.  As I was getting up to leave the room he let out a sigh and said,

“This was the best day ever.”

 

 

The Talk

Today the kids’ social worker is coming over for a routine visit and I’ve asked her to be the one to deliver the news to Sprout.  She admitted that even after 10 years in her job, that talk still makes her nervous and she’s never quite sure if she’s saying it right.  Which confirms my suspicions…there just isn’t a “right way” to tell a child such a thing.

On a side note, I found out where mom has been the past few weeks…

in rehab.

I don’t know why, but that makes me want to cry.

 

Can’t he save it for home?

You know how they say that kids are always the worst for their parents?

Well that’s so not Sprout and I’m wishing it was. 

At home he’s been perfectly fine – really pretty good and cooperative, actually. 

At school? a nightmare. 

Obviously I know where it’s coming from - he’s got a lot on his mind right now.  But ugh, I’d really rather he save the crazy for when he got home once in a while…

 

The floodgates are open

My g.oogle search history is filled with things like “adoption announcement wording”, “carnival decor”, “magician”, and “pony party”.  Ask me what I’m thinking about at any given moment and it will probably be something along the lines of “I wonder who I can get to man the cotton candy machine?”  It’s nice to get caught up in it all…

it’s nice to forget about the harder things for a while.

 

From a text I just sent my wife…

after she sent me a message saying that Sprout was having trouble “having a calm body” again today at school…

“Of course he can’t sit still! He’s probably got the pins and needles of his life! What 5 yo in the world could concentrate at school when he may NEVER SEE HIS MOTHER AGAIN?! i hate how much he has to endure while also trying to live a normal kid life.”

 

ps. We haven’t yet told Sprout about the TPR.  Not that he’d know what a TPR was anyway.  What he knows is that someday soon a judge is going to decide what his forever home will be.  Out of an abundance of caution, we are waiting for the appeal period to lapse before we tell him.  But he senses it in the air – he always does.  It’s especially easy to put 2 and 2 together since his mom has disappeared…

pps. Dont worry, my wife knows I was just venting not yelling

 

I didn’t expect it to feel like this…

TPR was granted.  Mom has 20 days to appeal, but no one has heard from her for 3+ weeks.

The email notifying us came with a bunch of adoption paperwork to be filled out.  So many questions we haven’t allowed ourselves to think of now need answers.  My mind is spinning to think of it all.

And then it quiets and goes back to the place its been dwelling so often these past few weeks…

but what about her? where is she? how badly is she hurting? when will I speak to her again?

 

Adoption Tax Credit

Reposted from Foster Care, Our Love Story.

There is a tax credit available for people who adopt. It is intended to offset the cost of traditional adoption and provide incentive for perspective parents to adopt special needs children from Foster Care.

When adopting from foster care, almost all of our kids qualify as “special needs”. Some of the qualifications for that are sibling groups, minority children, a child that has been in care over 1yr, or children with medical or developmental disabilities. If you adopt a special needs child, you are eligible for the entire adoption tax credit.

In years past, this credit could be used against your income tax. So you would get a bigger return, but the benefit was linked to your income and how much you pay in taxes. So for Middle class families, it could take years before you saw the full benefit of the tax credit. If you were a Grandma on Social Security who adopted 3 of your Grandbabies, you would never see this money because you don’t owe taxes.

In 2010, however, President Obama signed the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act which had some small print that made this Adoption Tax Credit a refund. This means that for every child adopted from foster care through 2011, their adoptive parents would a receive a $13,170 check regardless of their income or taxes owed. This was great news for people who got to adopt in these past 2 yrs. Granny gets the money she needs to move to a bigger apartment or start college fund for her kids.

Unfortunately, this refundable credit went away on December 31, 2011.
The plan for people adopting in 2012 is that you can get credit up to $12,170 for each adoption against your income tax. However, the remaining amount can not be used in following years. You’ll get a bigger tax return for this year, but not the check for the credit amount and there is no benefit beyond 2012.
In 2013, the Adoption Tax Credit goes away all together.

There is a petition going around to try to get the Tax Credit extended. I signed it, and I hope you will too!! The financial incentive shouldn’t be the reason people adopt, but hopefully it helps keep siblings together or keep higher needs kids in stable homes.
Click here to sign the Adoption Tax Credit Petition
This is a form letter you can send to your State representative

 

MIA

The kids’ mom that is.  Not a word or a visit since the hearing.  Sad, scared, wistful for how it could have been.

I have a sinking feeling that lifebook isn’t going to happen.

I’m so sad for what this might mean.